Fever Ray-Seven

Cockroach paranoia is a bad, bad thing. First there is one: belly up and seemingly dead, staring with blank eyes and tiny frozen legs. It can be written off as an isolated incident, almost an amusement. "Hey, I'm visiting a tropical area! This kind of reminds me of Florida! Come here, ya little bugger. Let's get you out of here." I slide a piece of paper under it, and it starts furiously twitching its legs. It's alive! I don't want to crush it, because not only does that seem inhumane, but that multilayered crunching sound always seems to get inside me. So I try to breezily slide it out the door with my sandals while maintaining its belly up position. I manage to accomplish this, and everything seems fine.

But they keep coming. Underneath the bed, in the corner of the shower, crawling out from under the refrigerator. Paranoia sets in. Every time I get into bed, I lift up the covers expecting to find creatures scurrying up my leg. When I'm shampooing my hair, I sneak a glance down to make sure there aren't cockroaches soaping themselves at my feet. Lying in bed, I look to my left and expect to see a massive roach coming out of the bathroom. So big that it moves mechanically, making a massive creaking sound like an old dump truck. It looks at me with a sly, mocking smile, as if to say, "You'll never get me. Keep trying, but you'll never get me. I'll just keep coming, and coming, and coming."

I get pissed. F*ck humane. It's Raid time. I get a bottle and turn into Rambo with bug spray. I'm picking off these things left and right. When I start to spray one they immediately launch into furious death throes. My empathy is gone, and I douse it until every last talon has stopped flailing. I'm proactive with this sh*t, spraying corners, nooks, and favorite hiding spots. I feel an absurd sense of pride as the roaches come back less and less often, convincing myself that I have triumphed over the beasts.

But then they come back again.

Fever Ray is the sister from The Knife. The Knife are incredible, and so is Fever Ray. Yay.