AMC, I'm here for you.

As the beginning of Mad Men's final season draws near, I can't help but think back to the end of another great AMC drama, Breaking Bad. While I personally thought they did a fairly solid job wrapping up the show, of course many people had complaints. So, as a public service of sorts, I'm going to provide a few alternate endings to give the folks over at AMC an idea of what the public might have preferred. It might help them wrap up Mad Men in a more acceptable manner for the masses.

Breaking Fad: In the last episode, Todd forces Walt to cook one last batch with him at gunpoint. But he's heard through the grapevine that people are getting tired of the blue stuff, so he forces Walt to devise a new marketing ploy. Walt comes up with meth that makes a sound like Pop Rocks when you smoke it. It becomes all the rage, but Todd offs him anyway.

Breaking Plaid: Walt uses his eleven million dollars to quit the meth game, start a line of grunge clothing, and move to Seattle. When he gets there, everyone tells him that grunge ended twenty years ago, his car stopped being cool thirty years ago, and his goatee reeks of overage wanna-be hipster desperation. Walt gets depressed and becomes a meth addict himself.

Breaking Brad: As Walter's megalomania continues to spiral out of control, his bewildered family desperately brainstorms ways to reign him in. They decide that the only way to show Walter the fate that will inevitably befall him is to find someone with an even huger ego. One day, Walter comes home to see his entire house wallpapered with 12 Years a Slave movie posters inexplicably featuring Brad Pitt. Pitt's executive producer-turned-bit actor-turned-star's (?!) eyes seem to stare straight into Walt's soul. Walt realizes the error of his ways and Breaks Good (good meaning fair meaning white meaning Brad Pitt oops back to Brad Pitt damn!).

Breaking Sad: Walt goes to his local salon to get his mid-life crisis goatee touched up and hears "All By Myself" playing on the easy listening Muzak channel. He immediately has an epiphany and realizes how he has completely isolated himself from the people who love him most, specifically his wife Skylar. He dramatically rips off the cape thingie they put on people while they're trimming mid-life crisis goatees and races home to his beloved. He bursts through the front door, only to see Skylar and Jesse making out to Eric Carmen's other classic, "Hungry Eyes."

Breaking U MAD?: Skylar begins to show signs of being pregnant yet again. Although they have only been together once in the past year due to all the meth drama, Skylar nonetheless insists that the child is Walt's. Walt and Skylar decide to settle their beef once and for all, with an objective, wise, and respected mediator present. Once they're booked on the Maury Povich Show for a paternity episode, the stage is finally set for the truth to come out. They sit on opposite sides of the stage, shooting ice cold stares at one another. The studio audience tenses as Maury prepares to read the results: "Walter White, you are... NOT THE FATHER!" Walter jumps up and starts breakdancing in front of Skylar, yelling "Ooooooooh!!!!!!" in her face the entire time. Skylar collapses in a heap on stage as the camera slowly fades to black.