Tough Alliance - Miami/Neo Violence

I miss the ocean. I like being underwater. Physically it's a pleasing sensation, but there's also the feeling of being completely cut off from the rest of the world. For however long I'm submerged, I can't hear what's going on above water, I can't see what's going on above water, and I don't care what's going on above water. The last time I was in Florida, I technically swam in the bay, but at least it was a body of water that wasn't completely frigid. One time I came up for water and a dolphin was swimming next to me. It was a sublime little moment. I miss swimming in the ocean so much, but not enough to make me swim in the Pacific Ocean.

Three posts ago I wrote about ceo, who is one half of The Tough Alliance. Listening to ceo is like surviving a foggy, windswept day on Ocean Beach (especially this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQImTcqQK6Y [can you spot the Lord of the Flies movie sample?] ), while listening to The Tough Alliance is like swimming with the dolphins in the warm ocean water. Ummmm... maybe? Work with me here. It's been a long day. Usually I'm posting this at 10 am. It's 9:30 pm, and I feel like a Dolphin after one too many helmet-to-helmet hits.

Miami probably isn't one of the better songs on the album, but it makes me happy. :43 makes me want to walk down the street and spray cotton candy in people's faces. That super-low bass line at 1:02 also gets me. Love it.

Neo Violence, on the other hand, is certainly one of the best songs on the album. Cool video, too. The beginning, where they're trapped in that strobe light pyramid prison, reminds me of Superman II. Remember how the three villains were trapped inside that gigantic mirror that floated around in space? Classic. I'm gonna come out right now and say I was strangely attracted to the dominatrix-looking one with the British accent. So arrogant, and she could vaporize a snake with her eyes! Hot.

Tom Waits - Cemetery Polka/Jockey Full of Bourbon

I've always been interested in the origins of expressions. When my friend's dad said he was going to to stand on his head and spit wooden nickels, I not only thought he was a couple fries short of a Happy Meal, I also would have given my eye teeth to find out where the expression came from. I recently saw the book, "A Hog on Ice & Other Curious Expressions," and I was tickled pink to find out that I could get Doogie on the subject. I was also somewhat disappointed to discover that Tom Waits didn't truly come up with the line, "Independent as a hog on ice." When I first heard that line I almost flipped my wig. The image of a hog's feet flailing and eventually splayed on ice is such a perfect visual to describe a person who is completely dependent on someone or something. NOTE: One of the italicized phrases is not an actual expression (though it obviously should be). Can you find it?

This discovery does not, however, take away from the fact that Tom Waits is one of the greatest songwriters ever. No other writer paints more vivid pictures with lyrics. Granted, they are usually rather twisted pictures filled with drunks, hobos, criminals, and assorted miscreants, but these people need to have their voices heard too! Waits dabbles in different genres and uses random objects as instruments, all to create a musical mood that fits his lyrics.

I'm posting a couple of songs from Rain Dogs. "Cemetary Polka" has a really cool animation sequence which highlights the lyrics, but unfortunately is cut off a little early. "Jockey Full of Bourbon" has an amazing New Orleans scene from the beginning of "Down by Law." Rain Dogs is one of the most amazing albums ever made, so if you don't already have it, get it!

Geto Boys - Mind Playing Tricks On Me/Brian Eno - In Dark Trees/Aphex Twin - Next Heap With

I haven't seen a really scary movie in a long time. There's not even that many through the years, but The Exorcist, The Shining, Poltergeist (just for the old man), and Silence of the Lambs are legitimately frightening. Everything nowadays either seems like a rehash of an old idea, or an out and out remake. Remake of Nightmare on Elm Street! Remake of The Hitcher! Remake of The Hills Have Eyes! More like The Screenwriters Have No Ideas, amirite? I'm sure it's similar to music these days. You just have to look harder for the good stuff. I've heard there are a lot of great horror films being made in Asia lately...

Music can be scary in many ways, but it rarely has anything to do with a maniac hiding with a butcher knife while a blond girl for some reason searches for her boyfriend in a broom closet. Brian Eno and Aphex Twin create scary with atmospherics and mood, and Geto Boys create scary with some of the best rap lyrics I've ever heard. Every verse has a different story, every character has three dimensions. Just the first few lyrics are brilliant: "At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn/ Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned." I also love the story of the guy who wants to love his girlfriend, but is too obsessed with the notion that she's somehow out to get him.

The last verse is the Halloween/trick or treat story, and it's nuts. They jump a seven foot tall behemoth and start beating him up, but then things really start getting weird: "The more I swung the more blood flew/ Then he disappeared and my boys disappeared, too/ Then I felt just like a fiend/ It wasn't even close to halloween/ It was dark as death on the streets/ My hands were all bloody from punching on the concrete." :O I haven't even mentioned the great sample and beats. A true classic.
NOTE: The album cover photo is real. Real-O-Meter went up to 11 on that one.

Happy Halloween!

ceo - Come With Me

I sometimes have a problem with music that is too three-dimensionally happy or perky sounding. Many people react to that issue by saying, "OH MAN, YOU'RE SUCH A DOWNER. GO MOPE IN A CORNER AND LISTEN TO YOUR RADIOHEAD AND SMITHS." But it's not as simple as that, not by a long shot. NOT BY AN ALL CAPS LONG SHOT. Can I make the commitment to never again write in all caps on this blog? I don't know. I just don't know.

I think I listen to a decent amount of "happy" music, but to me, if a song sounds completely happy, it just doesn't ring true. The Talking Heads make happy-sounding music, but there is always this strange undercurrent of paranoia or desperation, like Byrne is always looking over his shoulder, waiting for reality to smack him in the face. To me, that doesn't make the song any less happy, it just makes it more realistic. Take a song like "Hello, Goodbye" by the Beatles, or "Big Day" by XTC. Musically, they both sound like the emotional equivalent of a Smurfs episode, but lyrically "Hello Goodbye" is about Smurfette and Grouchy Smurf fruitlessly attempting to reconcile their diametrically opposed worldviews, and "Big Day" is about Grouchy's fundamental distrust of the institution of marriage. Man, if your name is Grouchy, there's just not much room for character development. Poor guy. No wonder he was in such a bad mood all the time!

There's been a lot of electro-pop coming out lately, and some of it is pretty good. I'll listen to many of these albums and enjoy them for a while, but after a while they grate because they're just too perky and corny sounding. I need at least a sliver of angst; it really doesn't take much. ceo has more than a sliver. He has a pretty sizable angstbag he seems to be toting around. It's the confluence of the happy and the sad, the combustibility of both occurring so intensely at the same time, that creates the beauty. That sentence was way too serious-sounding. I like turtles!

The Slits - Ping Pong Affair/Love Und Romance/Typical Girls/Man Next Door (RIP Ari Up)

[Introductory Note: If you only watch two of these youtubes, make them the last two. You'll be hooked for life.] Ari Up, the lead singer of the amazing British punk band The Slits, died this week. The Slits were one of the first punk bands to incorporate dub reggae into their sound...

Ok. enough introductory spiel. Ari Up and the rest of the Slits were amazing. They obviously weren't the most technically proficient musicians, but their warbled, off-kilter harmonies worked perfectly with their music. They had an amazing rhythm section, brilliant anti-everything lyrics, and an attitude (from what I can tell) that society is pretty ridiculous, and they were gonna enjoy making fun of it.

My music nerd friends and I used to discuss silly (but fun) topics like, "What's the greatest three song stretch on any album?". These weighty questions usually revealed answers from artists such as Joy Division, The Beatles, Radiohead, Can, or some other band from the rock critics' "canon." But in terms of a three song stretch that I derive the most pleasure from on a consistent basis, tracks 7-9 on the album Cut by The Slits is definitely up there.

I'm posting all three, though "Love Und Romance" is actually from the John Peel sessions. There's no Cut version on Youtube, but it's fine b/c the Peel session one features an also-amazing straight-punk version of the Slits. There's so much energy, so much humor, so much RHYTHM, so much of everything that makes rock great.

The last youtube is a Slits live performance in 1981. They're performing "The Man Next Door," which is what I guess you could call a reggae "standard." I loooove the version of this song by Massive Attack, and this performance is equally great. The drumming, the dancing, Up's vocals, everything. RIP Ari.

Meat Puppets - Plateau/Nirvana - The Man Who Sold the World

So this is my 100th post. Clearly this landmark means less than nothing, but I'm going to use it as an excuse to both focus on finding a song i really love, and also to write an incredible wanky post about said song. *approximately one really intense minute passes* So! That was easy.

I've been meaning to write about "Plateau" by the Meat Puppets for a while now, but every time I searched youtube for it I only found a middling quality live version. Now there is a studio version up! Someone obviously heard I was approaching my 100th post extravaganza! "Plateau" is such a beautiful track. My three favorite aspects are the plodding rhythm section, the strange yet somehow Zen-ish lyrics, and the amazing short guitar solo at the end.

If you read any of the comments in the youtube, you will see an intense conversation regarding Nirvana and the Meat Puppets. The Meat Puppets were, if you look at it from a commercial standpoint, a one-hit wonder. Their song Backwater was shown fairly frequently on MTV, but this entire gem of an album, and the rest of their catalogue, was pretty unheralded and "underground."

Nirvana happened to be huge fans of the Puppets, so when they made their post-Nevermind-explosion album "Unplugged in NYC," they covered a few Meat Puppets songs. Of course, Nirvana's covers garnered more attention than the Meat Puppets' versions ever did. Add to that Kurt Cobain's annoying propensity to mumble song intros while wearing wussy sweaters, and you'll understand why many people had no idea this was even a Meat Puppets track! "HummmummblahblahthisisaMeatPuppetssonghummuummmublahblah." "Umm. Come again, Kurt?!" "My sweater looks like I borrowed it from Freddy Kreuger, and my bass player kinda looks like he's smelling a fart!" "Oh, ok. Thanks, Kurt!"

I could pretend that in my infinite high school wisdom, I was fully aware of who all the real artists were on this album. But the Real-O-Meter would have my head. Nirvana also covered "The Man Who Sold the World" on the Unplugged album, and I always considered that to be the best song on the album. The guitar sounds like it's crying in the solo. So good. I really had no idea it was a Bowie song, though. He says it at some point, but it's Mumble Central again. Then I heard the Bowie song much later and thought, "WOW, THAT'S A GREAT NIRVANA COVER!" Then I realized that it was recorded over 20 years previous to the Nirvana version, and things started to make more sense.

The Bowie cover is my favorite Nirvana "song" by a pretty good margin. Kurt's vocals are relaxed and almost soothing, the band plays really tightly, and as I previously stated, the solo at the end is sublime. Actually, he doesn't really mumble Bowie at the end, but I promise he mumbled Meat Puppets! :/ To be honest, I don't think the name David Bowie really meant much to me at the age of 15. He might as well have said, "This is a Wilford Brimley cover. It's the right song to do, and the tasty way to do it."

So this is 100 posts. It's been a great ride. To all my fans out there, I never could have done it without you. To all my sponsors, thanks for standing by me during that unfortunate cow-tipping controversy. I really do love cows, but this one was just begging to be tipped! You wouldn't believe the look on his face! Anyway, here's to you, my 7-10 sporadic readers!

Single Cell Orchestra - I Want to Fall

The Nintendo Entertainment System was the hot video game system when I was a kid. By hot I mean basically every kid I knew had one and was completely obsessed with it. I would run to the phone to call my friends every time I beat a Legend of Zelda boss, figured out a 30 men free Castlevania cheat code, or beat the new Super Mario game. In our sixth grade kickball games, one team would be based on Super Mario characters, and one team would be based on Legend of Zelda characters. You might be thinking, "Wow, these kids sound like massive dorks!" YOU WOULD BE CORRECT IN THAT ASSUMPTION.

Breakbeat records are great for two main reasons: beats and weird noises. "I Want to Fall" obviously has filthy beats throughout, but where it really sets itself apart from some other classic breakbeat tracks is in the weird noises department. I feel like I'm playing a video game when I'm listening to this song. Or, more accurately, living a video game.

Contra was one of the most famous NES games, and also a personal favorite of mine. It basically consisted of running through the jungle with a fellow guerrilla soldier and shooting other guerrilla soldier dudes. I might add that the "killing" was a lot less graphic than it is these days. When you shot a guy, they did this really awkward and sudden back-flop. They actually looked like they had just stepped on a rake, causing it to smack them really hard in the face. Nowadays a guy gets shot on a video game and you see every last chunk of his brain splatter all over the screen. It's a little... intense.

To my ears, the weird noises in this song almost completely correspond aurally to the visual representations of the different guns in Contra. At :14, when the first nasty beat kicks in, the weird noise in the background sounds like the rapid fire gun that enables Joe Jungledude to shoot a bunch of red bullets in rapid succession by simply holding down the b button! Solid gun. The psychotic vacuum cleaner noise at :31 sounds like the laser gun, which while being the most powerful gun and shooting really cool looking lasers, is kind of a bummer cause you can only shoot one "bullet" at a time. At 1:11 the regular, or default gun comes in. It's functional, but not really exciting. You just shoot one red bullet at a time. YAWN. Hold onto that for too long and you're sure to end up laid out like a trampled palm frond.

At 3:49 the big daddy of all guns comes in. It also happens to be represented by the best weird noise in the entire song. It's when the song goes from Barry Bonds pre-steroids to Barry Bonds post-steroids. It's the spread gun, which shoots out five red bullets that spread throughout the screen. It fires rapidly, so you can cause awkward back-flops as far as the eye can see. Amazing gun. The fireball gun, on the other hand, is awful, and I always got rid of that thing post haste. The record would have to be warped to sonically represent that meandering, good-for-nothing albatross of a gun. Accidentally replacing the spread gun with the fireball gun instantly caused Joe Jungledude to spiral into a crippling depression, inevitably leading to a half-hearted awkward back-flop off the television screen and into the vast abyss of video game purgatory.

And how about that awesome Close Encounters of the Third Kind-ish weird noise that comes in at 5:29? That has nothing to do with Contra, and everything to do with Richard Dreyfuss being surrounded by a bunch of benevolent breakbeat aliens and busting a move.

Led Zeppelin - Dancing Days/The Who - Love Ain't For Keeping

This post is brought to you by the Sony 7500XP Real-O-Meter. For those of you who don't know what the Real-O-Meter is, it forces a person or group of people to "keep it real." Sometimes it forces people to keep it a little too real. Now, the majority of the music I've written about in this blog is music I've gotten into within the last ten or fifteen years. It's music I love with all my heart. The Real-O-Meter has no objection to that. The Real-O-Meter has been wondering, however, why I insist on denying my roots. What about those songs I listened to in Westhampton basements and Port Orange bedrooms, when I was in my pre-adolescent years and my musical knowledge was restricted to hand-me-down tapes and FM stereo playlists? Am I trying to give the impression that I was listening to Can and Wire as a pimply pre-teen? That doesn't sound like I'm keeping it real.

When I decided I should do a classic rock post, I wanted to write about bands that I still listen to at least fairly regularly, like Love, Cream, and the Zombies. But the Real-O-Meter went off like a pulled fire alarm during an organic chemistry final. From the age of about ten to thirteen, I listened to mostly Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Doors, and The Who. Familiar male pre-teen story, right? I knew every word to every Led Zeppelin song (even the ones on Coda), I had seen the Wall seventy-eight times, and I was still under the illusion that Jim Morrison wasn't a cringe-worthy songwriter. One thing the Real-O-Meter can't make me do is post a Doors or Pink Floyd song. I can still listen to Led Zeppelin or The Who (especially Tommy) and enjoy them, but the Doors are just too corny, and while Pink Floyd have some good songs, they're just too damn serious and angsty for me. Piper at the Gates of Dawn is listenable b/c they were too zonked out on acid to ponder their navels for too long, but after that it got progressively worse and worse. If I'm gonna go back to 1989, I gotta have a fun time doing it.

Devo - Satisfaction; Mongoloid; Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA

The San Francisco Giants, the local baseball team, went into the last series of the season this weekend with a three game lead in the division. They are playing the second place team, so fate lies completely in their hands. Even if they lose three games in a row, there would be a fourth game to break the tie on Monday. No pressure, right? OOPS! So far the Giants have lost two games, and there's gotta be a little doubt creeping into their minds. I don't think they're completely freaking out at this point, because they still have two solid pitchers scheduled. HOWEVER, if they somehow manage to lose the next two games and not get in, the sound of their collective choking would reverberate from San Jose to Sausalito for decades to come. In other words: YOU BETTER NOT SCREW IT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

This whole situation got me to thinking about the most nervous-sounding bands out there. There are a few candidates, but no one even comes close to Devo. Maybe the greatest example of how tweaked they are is their cover of The Rolling Stone's "Satisfaction." They took this balls-out rock classic and COMPLETELY spazzed it out, with the jerky percussion, paranoid synths, and warbly vocals. It's one of the greatest covers in the history of music, and while I all too often fall into a hyperbowl, I don't think this is one of those times. The "BABYBABYBABYBABYBABYBABYBABYBABY Tells me baby better come back later next week, can’t you see I’m on a losing streak" section at 1:48 is pure gold.

Just the intro to "Mongoloid" makes me start freaking out. That bass comes creeping in, then the guitar slinks in behind it, then the little keyboard riff taps you on the shoulder, then the drums smack you in the face. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU'RE SCAAAAAAARING MEEEEE! Add in alien robot vocals and the permeating synths at 2:46 courtesy of in Eno We Trust (well, probably, he produced the album), and you have a classic.

I'm not gonna say much about Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA. It's another twisted song with ridiculous and funny lyrics. I'm personally partial to the Mr. DNA section. THAT GUITAR FILTERED THROUGH A SYNTH FILTERED THROUGH A CHAINSAW FILTERED THROUGH ET'S LOWER INTESTINES NOISE AT 5:34. KILL ME NOW.

PJ Harvey - Man-Size/Down By The Water

PJ Harvey has charisma oozing from every pore. Not charisma like a game-show host or a presidential candidate, but she's just so damn interesting. Her lyrics are completely unique: both dominant and submissive, both empowered and vulnerable.

"Gonna wash that man right out of my hair
Gonna take my hips to a man who cares"


"Must be a way that I can dress to please him
It's hard to walk and the dress is not easy
I'm swinging over like a heavy loaded fruit tree"


I'm bummed that I've never seen her live, but I hope to get the chance to someday. Watch a video like "Man-Size," and you'll see what an amazing performer she is. Just watch her! So freaking awesome. "Down By The Water" is also a fabulous video, but the only one posted on Youtube freezes constantly. Love the menacing fuzz-bass on "Down By The Water." Fits the lyrics and overall mood of the song perfectly.

Music needs more PJ Harveys.

Outkast - Spottieottiedopaliscious/Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik/Ghetto Musick; Big Boi-Follow Us

It's great to go see a group or performer I've loved for a long time, but a lot of times that also means that the artist isn't currently releasing anything of note. So the concert might be great, but there isn't that added excitement and anticipation of hearing new material, and feeling like I might even hear a new song that hasn't been released yet.

I'm going to see Big Boi Thursday night, and I'm really excited. It's kinda scary when an classic group starts making solo albums, but his "debut" is really great. The fact that Outkast has been releasing amazing music (EVERY one of their albums is great) since I was a junior in high school is kinda mind-boggling. That's sixteen years. SIXTEEN YEARS. God I'm old. I hurt my neck the other day PUTTING ESSAYS IN WRITING FOLDERS. Well, it might have initially occurred on the tennis court, but that's when I started to feel it. I felt like my old English teacher who wore a pacemaker, had a sign on her wall that said "TIME PASSES. WILL YOU?" and said "burp your bottom" when a kid would fart in class.

I'm posting these out of chronological order, cause Spottieottiedopaliscious is the greatest Outkast song ever. In fact, it's simply one of the greatest songs ever. So funky, so smooth, so everything. Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik is the title track from their first album, and has a laid-back vibe and great flow from Andre and Big Boi. Ghetto Musick is from Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which is when Outkast TOTALLY blew up and won a bunch of Grammy's. The huge singles like Hey Ya and The Way You Move got more attention, but this is my favorite song on the album. I LOVE how the beat is fast throughout the song, then at 1:15 slows down and smooths out with the female vocals and those tink-a-tink percussion sounds. Rhyming Georgia with foyer is one of of the greatest things ever, too.

Finally, we come to Big Boi's solo album, and the song Follow Us. It's got a great beat, and I love that little synthy sound that starts following the beat around at :30. It took a couple of listens to get used to Vonnegut's vocals, but now I dig them. I like that there's so much going on in the song, and the more I hear it the more they all seem to be pulling in the same direction. GREATNESS.

Belle and Sebastian - Stars of Track of Field/Act of the Apostle/Lazy Line Painter Jane/Piazza New York Catcher

There's this really stupid game on my iPhone that I can't stop playing. It's called Bejeweled Blitz, and it involves lining up these jewels in rows or columns of at least three. Four causes a huge explosion, and five (really exciting) creates this whirling dervish that shoots out lightning and eviscerates every jewel of a chosen color. Sounds like a genocide, now that I think about it. Anyway, as incredible as this game may sound, it gets really monotonous after a while. BUT STILL I PLAY.

Yesterday I didn't bring my laptop to the cafe, so that I wouldn't get distracted from grading. The thing is, grading essays gets so mind-crushingly tedious after a short while, I need something to do for a break. And so I turn to Bejeweled. I think I just need to erase the application and move on with my life.

Grading essays. I love so much about teaching, but I sometimes fear they will be the death of me. As I stare down the barrel of more essays on this beautiful Sunday morning, I need music to take me to a happy place. Ok, so this first Belle and Sebastian song isn't really happy, but I worship it. I love how the instruments come in one by one, and Stuart Murdoch is such a great songwriter. At 2:14, when the organ comes in and he sings, "Can I write a requiem for you when you're dead?" So great.

Ok, so that wasn't a happy song at all. Act of the Apostle is slightly happier, and so beautiful. It's from their most recent album, which is really poppy and really good. Finally, there's Lazy Line Painter Jane. Mr. Murdoch often writes from the point of view of women, but he seems to pull it off. All the girls I know who know Belle and Sebastian love them.

Oh, man, I gotta break my rule again and post a fourth Youtube. I forgot to write about another interesting tidbit about this group. This twee band of pasty Scotts is obsessed with the New York Mets, just like I am! Somehow they continue to write happy songs despite following this team. They go to spring training and watch games, and they even wrote a song about the Mets. There was a rumor that Mets catcher Mike Piazza was gay, and for some reason the media became obsessed with it. The song is partially about that, and partially about a baseball game in San Francisco. It even mentions Chinatown, where I used to live. Creepy! I think I'm being stalked by Belle and Sebastian. Hmmm. That's kinda cool, now that I think about it. (NOTE: I didn't even post one song from Tigermilk, which is an amazing album, but this band has about a million great songs, so ya know).

Cocteau Twins-Lorelei/Guided By Voices-Game of Pricks

I don't really feel like I have anything to write this week. In fact, I've already posted about these two bands. That's ok, though, because I love these bands so much that I would do this for them. This post is a symbol of my undying affection. LOVE YOU GUYS.

I feel like pulling a John Lennon and copying this post from a circus poster or a corn flakes commercial. Though I suppose I'd have to write about thirty classic songs before I could get away with that.

Lorelei is amazing the whole way through, but 2:50 is the knockout punch. Cocteau Twins is musical heroin. I've never done heroin, but I've seen people do it on TV, and they totally look like they're listening to the Cocteau Twins. Until they die miserable deaths, which is the listening-to-Creed part of doing heroin, I suppose.

Game of Pricks shows that GBV could have been absolutely huge, but they decided to take a chainsaw to all their recording equipment in order to prevent that from happening. Still, they are an incredible group, and they make me very, very happy. Try depositing that in your bank account, Robert Pollard!

Wendy's Classic Promo Videos, Served with Extra Cheese!

What do you do when you're the last cut from The Gang in the Kool & the Gang auditions? Or when Paula Abdul steals your backing track and becomes a megastar? Well, either you plunge yourself off the nearest high rise, or you buck up and offer your significant musical talents for a Wendy's promotional video!

These videos, like the Chris Dane Owens classic I previously posted, put me in a tough position. Sure, I should be making fun of these. BUT THEY'RE SO GOOD. Whoever wrote these somehow integrated the instructions of a Wendy's new employee manual into lyrics that rhyme and go with various 80s-sounding backing tracks. I have posted a few below for your viewing enjoyment.

I'm trying to figure out how the workers viewed these. Nowadays they would all be slouched down in their seats, snickering or possibly cracking up. But back then, when irony wasn't so firmly imbedded in our collective consciousness, I could see them all getting into it, picking up brooms and trays and doing an interpretive dance a la the hospital scene in Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Either way, "Hot Drinks" is incredibly catchy, and kinda makes me want to quit my job and work at Wendy's. He's got quite a voice, which I'm sure would be an incredible asset to the corporate office.

"Cold Drinks" is a straight up "Straight Up" rip off, and frankly, I'm not really comfortable with the way that lady is looking at me. I'm not sure Dave Thomas would be OK with little Wendy watching this borderline sleazelectro video. Things get really weird around the :55 mark. The worker raps a great couplet ("Then hand the drink to the coordinator, and tell the guest you'll see them later."), but then she starts groaning like disco-era Donna Summers while this creepy-ass voice gives directions from on-high. WOAH. Bit too much.

"Chili Can be Served with Cheese" is a funky soul jam. If this doesn't move your hips like Wendy's chili with cheese moves your bowels, then I just don't know what to tell you. I have no idea how this guy gets so meticulous with his directions (bowls versus cups, figure eight stirring motion, eight ounce ladels, etc.) and still keeps his groove, but he pulls it off! The CHEESE font at 1:05 just puts this over the top. Absolutely genius. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go to Wendy's, turn in an application, and get a large Frosty at the drive through while blaring this song.

Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M./Gza - Liquid Swords/Raekwon - Knuckleheadz/Ghostface Killah - One

I went to Rock the Bells last weekend. The format was different this year, as they had most acts play their biggest album front to back. For Tribe, it was Midnight Marauders, for Snoop, it was Doggystyle, and for Wu-Tang Clan, it was Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers). I missed almost all of Slick Rick, and Rakim and Tribe weren't as good as they were last year. Lauryn Hill was better than I expected her to be, considering how much of a hot mess she's become lately. I came primarily to see Wu, and I was also pretty excited to hear Doggystyle. Snoop was predictably great - funny and smooth like he always is. But the highlight, of course, was Wu-Tang.

It was just great to see them all on the same stage! ODB's son was there, but thankfully he was mostly just lip-synching. If there's one time I'm ok with lip-synching, it's when the son of a dead rapper is up on stage with the potential to wreck a performance by spewing garbage over some of the greatest MCs that ever lived.

C.R.E.A.M. is quite obviously one of the greatest rap songs ever. Perfect sample, perfect everything. The never-ending debate deals with the best Wu solo album. Liquid Swords and Only Built For Cuban Linx are 1a and 1b in my opinion, but if I had to choose I'd say Liquid Swords. Gza is the smoothest rapper, and the best lyricist. Listen to the beginning of verse 2. Game over.

I'm on a mission that niggaz say is impossible
But when I swing my swords they all choppable
I be the body dropper, the heartbeat stopper
Child educator, plus head amputator
Cause niggaz styles are old like Mark 5 sneakers
Lyrics are weak, like clock radio speakers

But daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, Cuban Linx is amazing. Love the bass on Knuckleheadz, and Raekwon's flow goes so perfectly with this beat. Supreme Clientele isn't quite on the level of LS and OBFCL, but it's still a solid album. The chorus on "One" is borderline ridiculous, but the beat is great, and I love the "ONE" sample in the background.

Janelle Monae - Wondaland/Cold War

Last weekend was the last gasp before the school year started, so on Sunday I went to the Outside Lands Music Festival. I had already seen Phoenix (who rules), so I was perhaps most excited about seeing Janelle Monae. I'd seen her perform on Letterman, and she can get down like James Brown. She came on a little late, so she only had time to play four songs, but she was amazing. In contrast to M.I.A.'s abortion of a performance last year, she showed that she can REALLY sing. All the dancing and showmanship in the world can't cover up a sh*tty voice, right? Oops, I forgot. M.I.A. can't dance either!

So I finally got around to downloading Monae's album, and it's huge! The two songs I posted are both upbeat, but there are a whole range of songs on the album, and almost all of them work! Her big single, Tightrope, isn't even close to my favorite song, but if you youtube the video or Letterman performance, you'll see examples of her awesome stage show.

Great first week of school! Going to Rock the Bells the weekend, and the lineup is just ridiculous. Wu Tang, Tribe, Snoop, Rakim, Slick Rick, Lauryn Hill (could be a trainwreck at this point, but we'll see), DJ Premier, KRS-One. Out of control.

Bananarama - I Heard a Rumour/Mary Jane Girls - My House/Vanity 6 - Nasty Girl

I think I'm gonna be in charge of the music for an 80s-themed party next weekend. Now this is not a responsibility I take lightly. It's a fun job, to be sure, but one that must be approached with a well-thought-out strategy. I've been thinking, and as I see it 80s music basically falls into three categories. The first category contains bands or songs that transcend all the cliches and restraints that we associate with 80s music. Artists that fall into this category include Talking Heads, Prince, REM, etc. The second category are bands or songs that aren't that good, but are corny enough in that endearing way so as to touch off both nostalgia and deep chortles when heard by the 80s nostalgia-demographic. Think Mr. Mister and Laura Branigan. Then there's a special third category, which includes artists that are still corny or dated in that special 80s way, but also write good, catchy songs. These songs are great because you can really enjoy the songs, but at the same time you can simultaneously reminisce about Solid Gold, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, or whatever other 80s curiosity the song brings to mind.

Three songs/videos that definitely fall into the third category are the ones posted below. I actually think that the Bananarama song is so good that it might merit first category placement, but in the end no one probably cares! I just remember how freaking in love with these chicks I was as a ten year old. Ooooo weee! I think I officially came of age during the Venus video. This song has great harmonies and semi-awkward repeated circular hand motions that I suppose pass for dance moves.

The Mary Jane Girls are awesome. Rick James was their producer, so I'm sure they suffered for their art at one point or another. :o Seems like the blonde is already decked out in a quasi-bondage outfit. Wonder if she was bummed out that she didn't get to wear the wedding dress.

So as we reach what could be the apex of 80s sleezelectro (I just coined a genre name! It's better than chillwave or nightbus, at least), we come to Vanity. Vanity got so hopped up on coke and Prince in the 80s she became born-again. Thankfully for us, she left us this little pearl of greatness. When you get past the fact that she has a stripper name, and her stage act seems to be training for a career somewhere along those lines, this song's pretty great. Solid beat, synths, and chorus. And damn that dude on Soul Train was smooth.

The Knife - Heartbeats/Silent Shout

I think I've finally turned a corner in the grieving process for my lost music. Think that scene in Top Gun when, with the theme song dramatically swelling in the background, Tom Cruise finally flings Goose's little military ID keychain thingies into the ocean. Don't try to tell me that scene, even on the 78th viewing, still doesn't move you! Anyway, I've figured out a twisted sort of logic to try to turn this horrifying negative into something of a positive. I feel like I was losing contact with some of my music, that as the albums piled up, I wasn't even really seeing many of them as I scrolled through my Ipod. It was just this huge blob of artists, albums, and songs, and the only ones that really stood out at any one time were the five to seven albums I was currently obsessing on.

So now, as I'm adding most of them back in, I'm forced to really reflect on my current relationship with the albums. Is the romance still burning as brightly as it used to? Will a little quality time bring the spark back, or is a divorce the best thing for both parties? Do I really need complete discographies of certain artists, or should I simply accept that there are some steaming turds in their catalogues, purge those, and move on? I've already started doing this, and rekindled some beautiful love affairs that had long been neglected.

Before my recent tragedy, I hadn't listened to the Knife in at least six to eight months. I liked Silent Shout when it came out, but now that I'm revisiting it and their other albums I'm realizing just how flipping amazing they are. Heartbeats (actually from their Deep Cuts album) and Silent Shout are such different-sounding songs, but both are amazing. Karin Dreijer's vocals are great on Heartbeats, but the smothered, creepy vocals on Silent Shout also work with the darker sound.

NOTE: If anybody knows of a Superfluous Movie Referenceaholics Anonymous chapter in the Bay Area, please let me know.

Joe Jackson - Steppin' Out

There's a melody that haunted me for about fifteen years. I would get it in my head, but I couldn't for the life of me place it. I knew it was played on the piano, and the basic progression, but that's it. In 2000 I was at ad school, and a bunch of us were hanging out at this pub. I think it was the only pub on South Beach, so it was a pretty great place to go to get away from the velvet rope scene. All of a sudden "Steppin' Out" came on the jukebox, and I almost fainted. Maybe it's hyperbolic, and maybe I'm as dorky as Joe Jackson, but I seriously think this is one of the most beautiful pop songs ever.

I must have first heard this song with my sister in the 80s, sitting around the radio listening to Casey Casem. The piano melody combined with the lyrics is just so sad and nostalgic and perfect. I guess on the surface it's just a song about going out, but the lines about being "so tired of all the darkness in our lives," being "young but getting old before our time," and "dress(ing) in pink and blue just like a child" imbue it with something more for me. Then there's the video. I lived in Manhattan for about a year when I was a little kid, and I still go back there all the time. The music combined with the 80s shots of New York City just destroy me. It's like the feeling I get listening to Pet Sounds. Slightly emo, but also happy. Every emotion rolled into one giant Joe Jackson bald spot. Those days will never come back, but I'll always have this song.


The mist across the window hides the lines
But nothing hides the colour
Of the lights that shine
Electricity so fine
Look and dry your eyes

We
So tired of all the darkness in our lives
With no more angry words to say
Can come alive
Get into a car and drive
To the other side

Me babe - steppin out
Into the night
Into the light
You babe - steppin out
Into the night
Into the light

We
Are young but getting old before our time
We'll leave the t.v. and the radio behind
Don't you wonder what we'll find
Steppin out tonight

You
Can dress in pink and blue
Just like a child
And in a yellow taxi turn to me and smile
We'll be there in just a while
If you follow me

Me babe - steppin out
Into the night
Into the light
You babe - steppin out
Into the night
Into the light

Slint - Good Morning, Captain/Nosferatu Man

I just saw Winter's Bone, an amazing film about a girl living in the Ozarks who, in order to stop her dirt poor family from being kicked out of their house, has to search through the local network of meth heads and criminals to find her likely dead father. The lead actress, Jennifer Lawrence, is incredible, but another thing that struck me is the relentlessly bleak mood the filmmaker creates. It was filmed on location, and the cinematography accentuates the bleakness and post-apocalyptic feel. The way she films the scenes in burnt-out buildings, dilapidated houses, and bullpens (hopefully you can call backstage at a rodeo where they keep the bulls the bullpen, cause I think it works!) all add to the feeling of darkness and dread. Thankfully for some, Lawrence is so incredible and inspiring that this really isn't a "depressing" film.

Slint does such an amazing job of creating mood in their music. Supposedly during the recording of Spiderland the band was kind of coming apart at the seams, and in a way it shows. Their playing is incredible, almost scarily precise, but it's all so heavy and dark. "Good Morning Captain" is just the greatest. I love how at 2:05 it switches instantly from the heavy guitars to the angular guitars and punchy drums. Absolutely classic, with that menacing bassline creeping in the background. Then the hoarse vocals at the end, as the shipwreck story reaches the climax. So good. I wanted to play this when I taught "Wreck of the Hesperus."

Nosferaru Man is straight evil. It sounds submerged in a layer of dark clouds, but with the Gang of Four guitar-as-chainsaws shooting through the fog. The guitars start chugging along at the end of the song, but before they get monotonous they start flipping around, running into walls, and finally are massacred and dissolve in a pile. Listening to these songs can be exhausting, I can only imagine what went into creating them.